{DISCLAIMER: I don't like to brag. If this sounds like bragging, I apologise. Please take it in the spirit in which it was intended - me sharing something personal with you.}
When I was at school, I was one of those academic freaks that never studied but always seemed to end up at the top of the grade. This trend continued into high school until eventually, in Standard 9, it slipped away. Now I wish I could take all of it on myself, but unfortunately I can't. See, while subjects like English, biology, geography, even Afrikaans, remained in the high eighties or nineties, math and science insisted on becoming a mystery to me. I'm not a fan of people putting their failures on teachers, but when one has a math teacher whose english (and handwriting) is indecipherable and a science teacher who is more intent on flirting with the boys in the class than teaching, I believe exceptions can be made. As a result I lost the basis for Matric math and science, and when I got my final report card, it was a study in contradictions. I was condoned a pass on higher grade for science, but math had to be dropped to standard grade for a pass! This blew my intentions of studying a BSc out if the water! So I enrolled in Wits Drama School.
I soon discovered that, despite my good intentions, it seemed I had lost my edge. I was getting marks in the low sixties if I was lucky, and I didn't seem to care. I'd lost my confidence. And I wasn't inspired by the subject material. I also discovered that, although I was constantly told how good I was by students and lecturers alike, I could never seem to crack a first. It was all about who you knew, not what. My movement was too predictable and stiff, I didn't have a dancer's build, my accents were good but I wasn't stretching myself, my directing was too Western and not Afrocentric enough, there was always an excuse - "it was very good BUT..." One lecturer even marked me badly because she thought I was someone else. When I tried to tell her who I was, she insisted I was Kathy and told me not to lie. Kathy's piece had been awful! And Kathy got my marks...
After three years I realised I was, despite my best efforts, never going to "make it". I shelved my patience and imagination and headed over to the geography and archaeology department. My passion for academia was reignited, I was among like-minded people and my marks improved. My first geography essay earned me 85%, in the top five of the class of a hundred and forty! I was back! I'm not going to say I never studied, I did, but I reserved the day before the exam for that. I had fun with the topics, I found myself feeling fulfilled again! Yes, I was the weird kid and the granny in class - a 21 year old among 18 year olds - but I had long ago stopped caring what people thought of me. I was ENJOYING it!
One evening, on getting home, I saw a letter waiting for me on the kitchen counter. I turned it over and the back of the envelope was stamped with the Golden Key logo. My heart stopped. I'd heard of Golden Key before, but always assumed I didn't qualify - I was wrong. Golden Key, for those of you who haven't heard of it, is an international honour society. Membership is by invitation only and they only invite the top 15% of students in a given year at member universities. As it turns out, 2007 was a good year for me.
I know this will destroy my hard-core rep, but when I read that letter, I wept. I had given up on ever being anything more than average. Seeing those words on paper made up for the five years I'd lost wading through unknown territory. I got my confidence back. It was, undoubtedly, one of the proudest moments of my life. Whenever I look at my membership certificate, I can't help but feel elated. Perhaps we are simple creatures driven by lust, pride and vanity, but I'm okay with that. Call me vain, call me proud. When I sat in the Great Hall with three hundred others waiting for my name to be called, I was proud. God knows I paid my dues. And this was my reward.
Until tomorrow!
Peace and Love!
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